Delirium

I met her at a club dinner one Saturday night. There was an odd sort of radiance on her countenance. I was helping myself to a fifth glass of chilled lemonade when I spotted her. She was standing alone—though not in a corner. I walked up to her out of sheer curiosity. Something magnetic about her seemed to be drawing me towards her—irresistibly, inevitably…
Hesitating slightly, I sauntered casually up to where she stood.

‘Don’t you think the music’s playing a bit too loud’ I asked casually.
‘Uh…yeah, well sort of’ she replied somewhat warily.
‘So, enjoying yourself?’ I asked.
‘Yeah’ she said without enthusiasm.
‘Don’t sound like it’ I remarked.
‘Well,’ she said more freely, ‘I thought I’d meet some friends at least. But my luck seems to have run out.’

She sighed. I looked up and nearly gasped. For the first time I noticed how pretty she was. Fringes of hair ran down her face, and as she pushed them back I noticed her eyes—sparkling black—she looked bewitching.

‘Oh well…yeah it’s that way sometimes’ I replied tearing myself away from her face, ‘I was expecting a friend too. Seems like we’re both stuck in the same boat. So, had dinner?’
‘Yeah’ she returned vigorously, ‘It was good. Really, really good. What do you say?’
‘Absolutely! Can I get you an ice-cream?’
‘Oh…alright. Thanks!’
I retreated feeling strangely light in the head. I returned in a jiffy carrying two delicious looking butterscotch sundaes. Her eyes lit up.
‘How did you guess my favourite flavour?’
‘Animal instinct, I guess’ I returned, slightly flattered.
For a few seconds we wrapped ourselves in those delicious ices.

‘By the way’ I said impulsively, ‘what’s your name?’
‘Tanya’ she said. ‘What’s yours?’
‘S—’ I answered nonchalantly. Then added with some cheek, ‘Hi Tanya, pleased to meet you.’
She laughed an exotic tinkle of a laugh. Again I felt a strange fluttering in my stomach. Her eyes glimmered. For a moment, I went numb.
‘So, erm, shall we find a place to sit?’ I asked, with a brave attempt at indifference.
‘Yeah, ok…I can see a nice corner settee over there.’
‘Ok then. C’mon.’ I set off with a spring in my step.

For a while we sat in silence, getting slowly accustomed to the blaring music and perhaps, each other’s company. Ironically, a favourite tune was being shattered to smithereens.

‘That’s my favourite song they’re taking to bits’ I remarked distractedly.
‘What? Really? That’s one of my favourites too. Bryan Adams is really cool, don’t you think?
‘You’re telling me! Man, I even went to see him perform in Mumbai.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah. It was amazing. The place was really packed. I could hardly move. I had an awesome time even though there hardly was any breathing space.’
‘So how was it?’
‘What? The concert or the feeling of being cramped?’
‘The concert, silly’ she returned with mock impatience.
‘Electrifying! The atmosphere was great. I needn’t comment on Bryan Adams. He was at his best.’
‘I read reports, I couldn’t go—in fact, to be truthful, I didn’t dream of going. It was the Andheri concert, right? A few years ago?’
‘Yeah, that’s the one; you’d have enjoyed yourself had you been there.’
‘Know what?’
‘What?’ I asked
‘I’ve noticed one thing—people might not have heard a single English song, but everyone seems to have heard “Summer of ‘69”’
‘Absolutely’ I answered with gusto, then added ‘Unfortunate they’re playing it so loud.’

Again we relapsed into momentary silence. I could sense a certain bond being formed between us. Once again, a numbness invaded…
Outside, a dance party was in full swing.

‘Wanna come outside—get a breath of fresh air.’ I tried to sound casual.
‘Yeah…ok. It’s quite stuffy inside.’
We walked outside together—though not quite arm in arm.
We roamed about for a while in the parking lot before returning to the poolside party. The words we exchanged now and again were of no consequence.
‘Do you wanna dance?’ I ask with another brave-hearted attempt at airiness.
‘Uh…I don’t know?’
‘Aw, come on.’
‘Oh, ok but not too long.’

I had no idea that her “not too long” would be around an hour. We nearly danced our heels off to some well-known tunes before we finally collapsed onto a sofa: faces radiant, feet aching and souls enigmatic.
We conversed a little more: discussing our lives, our selves and friends, in general…
After about half an hour, she spoke:

‘Hey, listen, I’ve got to go now. It’s getting really late. My folks will be wondering.’
Though reluctantly, I let her go without any protestations. Perhaps she expected me ask her to stay a bit longer. But somehow, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. She seemed a bit miffed by this apparent lack of concern.
She began walking into the shadows.
‘Hey…Tanya!’ I shouted.
She turned, surprised.
I hesitated a bit, but finally the words came out.
‘Can we meet again? Hastily I added: ‘You know, just like that…’
She smiled radiantly even in that dark parking lot.
I took it for a yes….

~~~~~

Three weeks have passed. Tanya and I meet frequently. At present, I sit in the local café where we usually meet. Today is February 14 – Valentine’s Day! The café is teeming with young life. I’ve however managed to reserve a seat for her. I glance surreptitiously at couples around me. I’m perhaps the only one not on a date—at least, that’s what I feel.

I had called her up this morning:
‘…So can we meet today?’
‘Today! Why? What’s up?’
She laughed teasingly.
‘Oh, just like that.’
I tried to sound casual.
‘Well, then we can meet tomorrow…I’m busy today.’
She was not to be outdone.
‘Oh c’mon, can’t we meet today?’
An unmistakable sense of urgency had crept into my voice.
‘Alright, alright; cool it yaar, I was just kidding. I’ll come.’
My spirits were again exultant!
‘Cool, so same time, same place….’

She walks in looking as lovely as ever—windswept hair, a hint of mascara—without a single apologetic utterance for being late.
I greet her perfunctorily, with a brave attempt at coolness.
‘Hi’ she returns without enthusiasm.
‘Sorry I’m late’ she adds ‘got caught in this beastly rush.’

She takes her seat. A whiff of perfume catches me off guard. But she’s looking a bit off-colour, or is it my imagination?

‘What’s up?’ I ask ‘Anything wrong?’
‘Um…what shall I say?’
I look at her questioningly.
‘I’m leaving Dehradun.’
‘Oh! When?’
‘Next Thursday.’
‘So when will you be back?’
She is silent for a second before she answers—the words that follow seem to cost her a lot of effort.
‘You don’t understand. I’m leaving forever.’
A momentary stone-dead silence ensues even though the café is full of voices.
‘What?’ I’m at a loss for words.
‘Dad’s got transferred. We’re going to Bangalore.’
‘Permanently.’ She adds the final nail in the coffin.
‘But, but…’ I splutter. Words won’t come out. How can they?

We relapse into silence. Silence glittering like snakes in the dark. A pain like never before…
I order two coffees and a club sandwich. We eat in prolonged silence.
She looks up after some time.

‘Why don’t you say something?’
I look at her with raised eyebrows.
‘I’m bored.’ she says, without looking at me.
‘How come?’
‘Dunno…Just bored. Bored with life’ she adds sotto voce.

Her eyes seem to be brimming with tears. But I can’t make out. It seems girlish to cry, but I’m finding it difficult to keeps tears out of my eyes—tears of anger and frustration, rather than pain.

‘Why don’t you say something?’ she repeats.
‘What do you want me to say?’
‘Do you want to say something?’
‘Depends on what you want to hear.’ I return doggedly.
‘Well, just say something.’
‘I love you.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘I like you.’
‘So you mean both are the same?’
‘Ummm….I don’t know…’

Once again silence pervades—this time an embarrassed one. We absorb this numbness for a while before parting.

She walks out into the blood-red sunset. I know at once that I’ll never see her again….


Remember that distant, hazy time
After the first autumn rain?
Slowly we walked through the late flowers-
Hand in hand, hand on hand, we sauntered
Into a dream world, lovingly, calmly-
Never expecting even a bee to stir…
Even hesitantly I touched your auburn hair; your
Green eyes twinkled and your shy smile said it all.
In that lane today I'll walk happily—with just your memory.
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